When Your Child Says "I Didn't Ask to Be Born"

The most difficult statement that a child may say to his/her parents that a parent cannot satisfactorily justify is when the child says,"I didn't ask to be born." How do you counter this statement? What supporting evidence can you present to your child to argue against this claim? 

Why is this statement uttered?

Most times when this statement of the fact that he/she didn't ask to be born is uttered is when something unfortunate or bad happens or when the child doesn't want to do something that the parents instruct him/her to do.

In my humble opinion, I believe that this statement is the ultimate form of ungratefulness that can be uttered. It not only disregards the hardship that the parents endure in raising the child, the hardship that the mother faced when pregnant with the child and all the hardships that is mentioned in the Quran in Surah 46 Al-Ahqaf  Ayat 15 :

وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۖ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ كُرْهًۭا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًۭا ۖ وَحَمْلُهُۥ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ ثَلَـٰثُونَ شَهْرًا ۚ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُۥ وَبَلَغَ أَرْبَعِينَ سَنَةًۭ

"We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning (period) is thirty months."

Saying "I didn't ask to be born" also disregards all the favors and blessings that Allah SWT have bestowed upon the child as is stated in the Quran in Surah 67 Al-Mulk Ayat 23 

قُلْ هُوَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَنشَأَكُمْ وَجَعَلَ لَكُمُ ٱلسَّمْعَ وَٱلْأَبْصَـٰرَ وَٱلْأَفْـِٔدَةَ ۖ قَلِيلًۭا مَّا تَشْكُرُونَ

"It is He who has produced you and made for you hearing and vision and hearts; little are you grateful." 

In this ayat, it is clear that Allah SWT knows that humans will be ungrateful but did He stop creating humans. NO. Because He is the Creator (Al-Khaaliq - the One who creates everything from nothing) and He will continue creating.

It is true the child didn't ask to be born but the fact that Allah SWT has created the child, Allah SWT provides the child with everything that the child needs and requires to remain alive and well and be well in the future. Allah SWT has provided everything that the child needs to lead a fulfilling life.

As an example. Most children don't like to go to school and I said most because I personally loved going to school but nowadays I have noticed that most children don't like going to school but they have to.

The parents will apply for them to go to the best school, provide them with all the materials that they need, give them allowance, provide transportation and everything that is required so that going to school will be comfortable for them but the child will still feel that it's a burden and when the time comes to show the parents the child's progress in school and he/she gets unsatisfactory results, the parents will become angry and will rightfully scold the child and what will the child say? I didn't ask to be sent to school.

So if the child didn't ask to be sent to school, does that mean that the child doesn't need to go to school? Why do parents send them to school? Is it so the parents will benefit? Who will benefit in the end?

So the same goes with the child who says I didn't ask to be born. He/She will probably say this when the parents ask them to do something that he/she doesn't want to do. Or perhaps the parent is criticizing him/her for doing something that the parent deems bad. But when a parent does this, who do you think benefits from that?

Guidance from Allah SWT is through the parents

The parents are there to guide the child. And Allah SWT has in the Quran reminds us to guard our family from the fire of Hell as is stated in Quran Surah 66 At-Tahrim Ayat 6 :

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ

"O believers, guard yourselves and your kindred against a Fire whose fuel is human beings and stones, a Fire held in the charge of fierce and stern angels who never disobey what He has commanded them, and always do what they are bidden."

Allah SWT wants all of us to lead a fulfilling life on earth and return to Jannah. Jannah is where we belong. Life on earth is a temporary stop and a place where Allah SWT tests which of His creation is the best to be placed in Jannah.

The Amanat Offer

In Quran Surah 33 Al-Ahzab ayat 72 :

اِنَّا عَرَضْنَا الْاَمَانَةَ عَلَى السَّمٰوٰتِ وَالْاَرْضِ وَالْجِبَالِ فَاَبَيْنَ اَنْ يَّحْمِلْنَهَا وَاَشْفَقْنَ مِنْهَا وَحَمَلَهَا الْاِنْسَانُۗ اِنَّهٗ كَانَ ظَلُوْمًا جَهُوْلًاۙ 

"Indeed, We offered the Trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man (undertook to) bear it. Indeed he was unjust and ignorant."

In this ayat, it is clear that Allah SWT has offered the "amanat" to all of His other creatures but they feared that it was too heavy for them to carry out and when it was offered to man because Allah SWT has promised the greatest of rewards if man is able to bear it, man accepted.

So to say that man didn't ask to be born is false because man did accept the offer when all of Allah's other creations have refused. 

Allah SWT will test His creations

Allah SWT may have given us all the facilities and abilities to lead a wonderful life on earth but Allah SWT will also test us to see which one of us is worthy of the rewards that have been promised as is stated in the Quran in Surah 2 Al-Baqarah Ayat 155 :

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوْعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْاَمْوَالِ وَالْاَنْفُسِ وَالثَّمَرٰتِۗ وَبَشِّرِ الصّٰبِرِيْنَ 

"And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient."

Also in Quran Surah 29 Al-'Ankabut Ayat 2 :

اَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ اَنْ يُّتْرَكُوْٓا اَنْ يَّقُوْلُوْٓا اٰمَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُوْنَ 

"Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?"

It's not enough just to say,"We believe". Allah SWT will surely test us. Just like when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, don't you want to test to see if he/she really and truly loves you?

Allah SWT will not test beyond your limits

However, Allah SWT knows to what extent His creations are able to bear hardship and Allah SWT in His ArRahman capacity will not burden His creations with more that they can bear. This is stated in Quran Surah 2 Al-Baqarah Ayat 286 :

لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللّٰهُ نَفْسًا اِلَّا وُسْعَهَا 

"Allah does not charge a soul except (with that within) its capacity."

So when a child claims that he/she didn't ask to be born, that is the ultimate sign of utmost ungratefulness. And Allah SWT knows this will be claimed by many, as evidenced from the Quran where Allah SWT states that very few are grateful for the favors and blessings that Allah SWT have bestowed upon man. This is the argument for Muslim parents when your child claims that he/she didn't ask to be born.